We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
