Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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