Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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