some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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