woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
