It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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