I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
