legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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