If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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