Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
