First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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