Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
