they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
