Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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