I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
