Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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