I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
