i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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