is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
