apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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