My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
