He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
