my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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