Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
oh god was she eating orange peels again
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
