and she was petting her beer can
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
