Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
