i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
