my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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