Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
