I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
