Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
