Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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