He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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