We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
