WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
