ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
