i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
