My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
