dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
