nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
