Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
