yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize