did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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