Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
