I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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