Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
