I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
