my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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