Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
