I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
