Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my nose is crying tears of wow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
