just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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