Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
