Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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