i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
