The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
