And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize