While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
