Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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