No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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