I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
